


Holding It Together

by ReylanSteele



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, POV Taako (The Adventure Zone), Panic Attacks, he's also a fully realized creation, kravitz isn't perfect, tired of kravitz playing taako's psychiatrist
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-06-26 06:30:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15657675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReylanSteele/pseuds/ReylanSteele
Summary: Taako is trying to keep it together, he really is, but Kravitz just doesn't get it. Sometimes you can't just hug it out.I tried my take on the "family dinner to talk about our feelings" trope that seems to permeate the TAZ fandom. Also I wanted to see a version of Kravitz that makes mistakes and actually has his own problems and doesn't just exist to make Taako Feel Better. He's gonna make some mistakes in this one buddy. No beta, just me rambling at 3:00am because this has been jumbling around in my head for a while.TW: depiction of dissociation and panic attacks, cursing





	Holding It Together

Taako didn’t know how long he’d been sitting at this table by himself, but he did know that it was longer than socially acceptable. He simply couldn’t bring himself to make the trek to the bedroom. The sooner he went to bed the sooner the morning came and the sooner the decision had to be made. Whether he would go to Lup and Barry’s house for family dinner with the rest of the crew, or if he’d wait for Lup to come and physically drag him to family dinner with the rest of the crew. He’d told Lup he’d go, but how could he say no to her when she’d practically begged him? She and Magnus had guilted him with their stupid logical points and emotionally mature reasoning.  _ She won’t be around forever Taako, you need to talk to her.  _ Back when he’d agreed it had seemed alright. He wasn’t looking forward to it, but he’d survive. However as the day approached Taako had grown sharper. He didn’t mean to, and he felt bad about it, he really did, but Istus help him he couldn’t stop it. Just that morning he had snapped at Angus over spilling his juice. Normally Taako would just make a bad joke, give Angus a smile, and clean it up. That morning he’d just...lost it for a second.

“Damn it Angus, move, move!” He’d shoved Angus, a little too roughly out of the path of the flowing juice as it began to drip onto the boys chair. 

“I’m, I’m sorry sir, I didn’t mean to do-”

“If you don’t mean to then don’t do it.” Angus’s little face had dropped, and that had been enough to bring Taako back to himself. He ran a hand over his face and knelt in front of the child. “Come here Ango, I didn’t...I.....Just be more careful next time, capisce?” He gave Angus’s cheek a little pat and the boy looked a little less upset, not exactly as upbeat as he had been moments ago, but better. Taako winced a little at the memory and made a mental note to make something special for breakfast in the morning. 

The morning. His mind strayed back to the looming event tomorrow.  He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t. Couldn’t look Her in the eyes, not yet, maybe never but certainly not yet. This was too soon, too fast, he would fail, he would fail and he would fail in front of his family. Better to slightly disappoint them from afar than to piss them all off to their face. NO, no he would just, stay here and--

“Come to bed,” Kravitz’s soft voice reached Taako from the doorway of the kitchen. He looked up and his eyes met Kravitz’s from across the room. 

“I’ll be there in a minute bones,” Taako turned his eyes back to the note on the table in front of him. He turned it over in his hands and began to read it again for what felt like the hundredth time. He became lost in the scrawl of Lup’s handwriting on the stark white card. Taako was so engrossed in the words on the page that he didn’t realize Kravitz had moved until the reaper’s hands covered his own. Taako inhaled sharply as he gave a stiff smile to try and cover the shock of Kravitz’s sudden closeness. 

“You should get some rest before tomorrow,” Kravitz began rubbing circles against the back of Taako’s hands until the elf pulled his hands away and stood. 

“I don’t know if I’m going,” Taako breezed, trying to keep his tone light as he skirted around the hand Kravitz offered him. Taako felt a small twinge of regret when he saw the way Kravitz’s face fell slightly at the loss of contact. He forced himself to pat Kravitz’s bare shoulder as he passed.

“Wait,” Kravitz turned to face Taako again, “what do you mean you don't know? You  told Lup you woul-”

“And now I'm telling you I haven’t decided,” Taako could feel the irritation seeping into  his voice, he knew he should take a moment, knew that Kravitz had every right to be confused, but who would he be if he actually acknowledged his emotions and responded accordingly?

“Darling, don’t you think you should give it some more thought?” Kravitz approached Taako once more and the elf felt his skin crawl at the close proximity. He loved Kravitz, but he was frustrated and tired and too overwhelmed for his own good. 

“Okay then,” Taako paused and looked up to the heavens for a moment then back to Kravitz, “So I gave it some thought and now I’m definitely not going.” Taako side stepped Kravitz and made his way to the fridge, opening it even though he knew there was nothing he wanted in there. 

“Don’t be like that, I wasn’t trying to…..Stop walking away from me and jus--Taako you can’t just cancel on people like that!” Taako cursed under his breath as Kravitz once again followed him around the room. 

“Actually buckeroo I can do whatever I want so, jot that down.” 

“Lup has been planning this for weeks, with you, and suddenly you can’t go? Excuse me for thinking that that sounds like bullshit.” Kravitz was Too Close, Too There, Too…...right…. Taako’s careful facade was starting to crack and he didn’t want it to fall to pieces in front of Kravitz. 

“Look I don’t see how what I do tomorrow has anything to do with you, so why don’t we just drop it?! I don’t even need to have this conversation anymore, because what I do and who I forgive is nobody’s business but mine!”

“I can’t drop a conversation that we’re not having! Me talking at you while you refuse to listen isn’t a conversation.” Kravitz’s hand brushed Taako’s arm and the elf fought the urge to bolt. 

“Then it should be even easier to leave me alone! I’m tired, I’m not going, and nobody, especially not you or Lup, is going to fucking make me! So let it go my dude and stop trying to understand something that you know nothing about! It has jack shit to do with you or anyone else!” He slammed the fridge door shut as he finished speaking. He tried to ignore the fact that his hands were shaking, his fingers curling and uncurling in a desperate attempt to relax. 

“Damn it what is wrong with you?! I have been trying to piece together what is going on in that amazing and frustrating brain of yours, but I’m out of ideas! You’ve been flying off the handle over nothing for the past week, but I let it go because obviously you were going through something! Then you snap at Angus, you sit at the table for hours without moving, and now this! Taako when are you going to realize that your actions have consequences?! You can't react to things like a child and expect everyone to accommodate you! You have to at least TRY to make things better!” And with those words Kravitz is almost in Taako’s face, they’re almost chest to chest and Taako couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, this was all wrong in all the worst ways, he hadn’t meant for this, but if he hadn’t meant it then why did he do it why did he do it why couldn’t he stop Doing It wh--

“Krav, baby, I think it would be best for both of us if you backed the fuck up,” his voice was wrong too even, too cold, was that even him? Everything sounded Wrong but Kravitz backed up, backed away. Taako could breathe a little better, but he was still in “get-the-fuck-outta-dodge” mode. 

“Look,” Kravitz sighed starting to reach out for Taako’s arm, “I’m just--”

“STOP TRYING TO TOUCH ME!” Taako hadn’t meant to shout, hadn’t meant to throw himself back so against the counter so hard, hadn’t meant to hit Kravitz’s hand so hard. The silence that followed was the worst thing Taako had ever experienced. He didn’t know what to do, how to bullshit his way out of this one, this was just Too Real. This wasn’t something he could goof or blast his way out of. 

“Taako...I’m sorry I didn’t know tha--”

“I need some air,” His voice was strained, too tight, too high, too thin, it wasn’t his, he wasn’t saying the words. 

“What? Where are you going?” Taako didn’t remember deciding to put his shoes on, his coat, his jacket, he didn’t remember deciding to walk out the door or even doing it until he was crossing the threshold. 

“Taako wait! What are you doing?! It’s almost midnight!,” Kravitz was following him, but he was already out the door. “Wait! Stop! Taako please, talk to me!” He probably said more, Taako couldn’t tell you what, because his hearing had gone fuzzy and the last real thing that he was sure he heard was the door slamming behind him.

 


End file.
